When you are around adults who won’t grow up, you need to be wary because they are still operating as children emotionally and refuse to grow up, and you recognize it. Far too many adults are not acting as an adults and you can see that they are not. The reasons are many but, because of “unresolved childhood trauma” and the defenses they form to relieve emotional pain and dread”; it happen to be quite common among many and simply another reason for them to join into personal development.
It’s one thing to relate compassionately to kids; it’s another to “be a big kid” at your child’s expense. It’s great to act 16 or 18 if you happen to be that age. But to behave as if you’re 18 when your age is 40 is at best a bit pathetic and maybe even deviant. We also have the cool “adults” who party with their kids. You might know Mr. or Mrs. So-and So who is “way cool because they know what it’s like to be a kid. The know only so well because, tragically, on and the emotional level they still are children.
The principle barriers to living an adult existence are the fears associated with becoming an adult. If you become aware of these five major aspects, then you will be able to spot that person who has a fear of growing up and being an adult.
1.Symbolic separation from parents and other individuals who have offered some sense of security. Once this occurs as we mature, from a new and different identity, choose our path in life and establish new relationships. These types of separation experiences can arouse a sense of loss related to fear. When we are anxious or frightened, we tend to reconnect to dependency bonds.
2.Preferences for fantasy as a defense mechanism over reality considerations. Painful events in childhood often lead to suppression, dissociation and varying degrees of retreat into fantasy processes. These habit patterns become addictive and long lasting.
3.The threat of feeling one’s aloneness. Knowing ourselves as independent, authentic adults makes us acutely aware of sensitive existential issues. Also, there is a fear of being different or standing out from the crowd. The feelings stated are related to the first evolutionary based threat of being separated or ostracized from the tribe, which is emotionally equivalent to being left to die.
4.Adults have more responsibilities for self and others. In general, adults carry a heavier dependency load, because adults are at the higher level, and youth look to then for direction, support, and actual parenting. The main reason is that it makes adults more cognizant of the fact that their unresolved dependency needs from childhood will remain unfulfilled.
5.Death anxiety. Death happens to be one of the biggest fears and if you are aware of that fear it can trigger both negative and positive events for the fear of mortality. As people sense time passing many begin to see it connected with sickness, frustrations in life and reminders of death, they worry about their mortality. Paradoxically, as men and women give particular value to lives, experience notable successes, and find new and unique gratifications, they tend to suffer more death anxiety. The more we value life, the more we have to lose in death.
Living as mature adults with a minimum of the defenses described here in this blog will leave people prepared to recognize those adults that refuse to grow up, and at the same time, it will offer virtually unlimited possibilities for personal gratification and self-expression that’s worth fighting to achieve.
Until the next time, take good care and be well.
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