Why envy is a deadly emotion and will not serve you well. Envy is one of the emotions that is a kept secret. Envy has many manifestations, and some are hidden dragons, and should never surface. If you are envious of someone, it’s unlikely that you will admit it to anyone, except perhaps to someone who might also be jealous of that person and will participate with you in denigrating them. The circumstances in which you might be envious will always involve a social comparison or competition between yourself and another person.
When you allow this to be the yardstick by which you measure yourself, and your self-evaluation you are in deep trouble. Envy is triggered only when you come up short. Part of the reason why envy is seen and experienced as such an “ugly emotion” is that of this way of thinking. To adjust and measure up and to neutralize your envy, you will have to diminish the source, and elevate yourself. Measuring your self-worth against that of another person will never be your solution to rising to your best self.
Envy has to do with feeling unhappy about the success of someone else, or about what they have and, at the same time, secretly feeling inferior yourself. Instead of finding success for yourself or improving yourself you give over your power to that someone else that you secretly envy. In a very strange way when you crave someone else, you are giving them a compliment. But it is a compliment that can harm you because you are not giving yourself a chance to develop and grow into your best self and your purpose.
Envy wears a lot of different hats, and it is possible to mistake attraction to another person for what is your envy of them. You can fall in love with what you want for yourself that another person has – status, money, power, family ties, or intelligence. It can happen often and most times can be what that person that you envy has or has not as you perceive it to be. Often you can attach yourself to this person thinking that by being attached you will in time have what they have in time.
What you can acknowledge is that a lot of times your envy does not belong to you because it can originate from what your parents envied or admired. An example, if your parents struggled financially and wished for more money, you might envy those people who have lots of money. Maybe your parents idealized a college education that was impossible to obtain; you might admire intellectual pursuits. It can be like a double edge sword when people romanticize what they envy, finding the balance is a part of your journey to wholeness.
Typically, jealousy comes with fantasies of having what you are lacking, and often what you might be lacking is admiration that is similar to the high regard you have for the person who has the desired attributes or possession you envy. One of the ways that you define yourself has to do with your ideals, ambitions, and what you value. Your ideal self is what you aspire to be, the best that you think you could or should be, and often this ideal comes from social comparisons.
What determined your self-esteem? Is it to a significant degree by a comparison of your sense of self to your ideal self? If not it should be. Although it becomes much easier to project an ideal of someone else in the form of envy, onto yourself, which is never healthy. Threatened never when you live up to the realistic ideals of you and how you are here to be. So, where do you go, and how do you start to acquire good healthy self-esteem? Personal development is where you begin, discovers a coach that you like and begins your journey to the wholeness that is your right and will lead you to your purpose and the pure delight that’s yours.
Until the next time take good care, be and stay well.
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